Let’s be real—women are incredible multitaskers, but that doesn’t mean we have to do all the things, all the time. Somewhere along the way, society decided that women (especially mothers) are the default for everything—planning, caregiving, emotional labor, remembering birthdays, picking up the slack at work, and, oh yeah, still showing up as ambitious professionals and loving partners.

Welcome to The Motherhood Penalty, the unspoken tax on women’s time, energy, and career growth that, frankly, isn’t just about moms. It’s a womanhood penalty—because whether or not you have kids, chances are you’ve been expected to carry more weight simply because of who you are.

And the cost? Burnout. Exhaustion. Less time for yourself. Less space for joy. Less energy for intimacy, connection, and fun. Ultimately, less time for pleasure. 

But here’s the good news: We don’t have to accept this as our reality. We get to rewrite the story. We get to reclaim time for ourselves, set boundaries that actually stick, and prioritize pleasure—not just as an afterthought, but as a way of life.

Let’s talk about how. 

What Is the Motherhood/Womanhood Penalty (And Are You Living It?)

This isn’t just about pay gaps or workplace discrimination (though, yep, those are real). It’s also about the everyday, invisible expectations that add up over time.

Ask yourself:

 

• Do you always end up planning every birthday, holiday, and work event—while others just show up? 
• Are you the one adjusting your schedule for sick days, school pick-ups, or last-minute emergencies? 
• Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself—like you should be doing something productive instead? 
• Have you ever been overlooked for a promotion or raise because people assume you’re “too busy” or “not as committed”? 
• Do you feel like your personal time (or intimate life) takes a backseat to everything else?

If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. This isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness.

Because once we see it, we can start changing it.

Rewriting the Narrative: It’s Not About Doing Less, It’s About Doing What Matters

We love our families. We love our careers. We love being the ones who make things happen.

But here’s the truth:
We don’t have to carry it all alone.
Asking for support isn’t a weakness—it’s wisdom.
Prioritizing pleasure isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

Our partners, friends, colleagues, and communities want to support us—they just need to know how. And we need to believe we deserve it.

The Escape Plan: How to Reclaim Your Time & Energy

Here’s how we shift from exhausted caretaker mode to balanced, pleasure-focused living—without guilt.

1. Rebalance the Load (Without Feeling Like a “Nag”)

Instead of taking on all the things, let’s start sharing the responsibility—at home, at work, and in our relationships.

For partners

• Instead of asking for help, start assigning shared ownership.
  • “The kids have appointments this week. Which ones are you taking?”
  • “We both work full-time. Let’s talk about making our household feel more balanced.”

For work

• If you’re always the one planning the events, it’s time to pass the baton.
  • “I’ve organized the last few gatherings. Who wants to take the lead this time?”

For single moms

• Build your village—whether it’s a co-op, family, after-school programs, or trusted friends.
• Explore work flexibility (because we deserve career balance too).

Key takeaway: When we invite others to step up, they often do. But we have to let them.

2. Own Your Pleasure—In & Out of the Bedroom

Now, let’s talk about something we don’t talk about enough.

Burnout doesn’t just steal our time—it steals our intimacy.
Because let’s be honest, if you’re exhausted, the last thing on your mind is getting busy.

When your brain is juggling work stress, kid schedules, mental checklists, and emotional labor, where’s the space for connection? For sensuality? For pleasure?

Pleasure (in every form) starts with energy and presence. If your body is in survival mode, intimacy—whether solo or with a partner—becomes another task instead of something you truly enjoy.

So how do we change that?

• Schedule joy & pleasure like a non-negotiable meeting. Whether it’s a solo spa day, a date night, a sultry self-indulgent moment in the mirror, or a quiet morning with your coffee—put it on the calendar.
• Say no without guilt. You don’t have to justify protecting your time. 

Try:

• “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
• “That sounds fun! I can’t commit this time, but I’m excited to hear how it goes.”
• Create space for connection. Whether it’s deep conversations, playfulness, or physical intimacy—make room for it. Not because you should, but because it makes life better.

Key takeaway: Pleasure isn’t something we fit in when everything else is done—it’s something we build our lives around.

Let’s Talk Numbers (Because Facts Matter)

1. 48% of working moms don’t take all their PTO, compared to 59% of working dads.
2. Mothers earn, on average, 63 cents for every dollar paid to fathers.
3. Women are 10x more likely to be the default caregiver, even in two-parent households.

Translation? If we don’t claim our time, no one’s handing it to us.

And we’re not saying work and family aren’t important.
We’re saying you are, too.

How QUIVR Can Help You Reclaim the Pleasure-First Life You Deserve

The best part? You don’t have to figure this out alone.

QUIVR’s coaching, small-group programs, and community are designed to help you:

• Set boundaries that actually stick
• Build a support system that works for you
• Prioritize pleasure without guilt
• Reclaim time for yourself and still show up fully in your life
• Perhaps learn a few spicy tips to keep the bedroom warm (wink wink)

Because a pleasure-first life isn’t a luxury—it’s what you deserve. 

 

Your Quick Escape Plan (Final Check-In)

• Are you ready to stop being the default for everything?
• Are you ready to prioritize joy, rest, and connection?
• Are you ready to live for yourself, not just for others?

Then let’s do this. Join us at QUIVR, where we redefine what it means to thrive.

Because your time, energy, and pleasure are worth protecting.

 Let’s make it happen. 

Have questions? We’d love to hear from you! Please email us at QUIVRteam@quivr.global.